Letterman on Cowboy Phrases
Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After That Damned Homosexual Cowboy Movie
1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret -- I've been in tight spots before."
4. "Howdy, pardner."
5. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"
1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret -- I've been in tight spots before."
4. "Howdy, pardner."
5. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"
Funny because it's true!
On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That is easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That is easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."
So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."
So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."
"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"
"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"
"That is easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That is easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."
So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."
So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."
"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"
"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"
Nothing Major!
It's gotten to the point that I feel unless I have something MAJOR to report I don't think it's post worthy. This my friends is not a major item post.
Saturday was a tough day for me and although I'm not going to go into all the details, I will say that I stepped out of my comfort zone and handled myself with grace, integrity and strength.
Saturday night was much more enjoyable! Mr. Bitter & Missus Sour came over for dinner. Delightful. Simply scrumptious and refreshing. They're good eggs those two. A little hard boiled but good eggs!! ;)
Sunday I spent the afternoon with my Aunt Kathryn and my Dad. He's actually made what I think is a lot of progress. I'm still of the mind that he won't be even CLOSE to how he was before the heart attack but on Sunday he was laughing, joking and we even got through a game of Connect Four. I left feeling inspired which I haven't felt with him for quite some time.
I then spent the rest of the day at the Nail Salon. Nails and toes. Heavenly. Pefectly civilized. It took forever because I wanted to wait for the woman that I know does a really good job because the last few time I've gotten Johnny New Guy! Okay job but not great. The plus side of it taking so long was that as I was finishing up my dear friend DOC walked by and we had a nice catch up. He's been doing Slava's Snowshow in New York (that's him on the website with Regis and Kelly!)so I don't get to see much of him. He's a fellow Overcoater and so we got to catch up on all the "who is and who isn't doing the next leg of the show"! Very exciting.
And then before you know it I was watching the season finale of Survivor. Can't say I'm particularly happy with the results but then, I haven't like the past few winners. I think this may have to be my last round of Survivor. It's getting so repetitive and unimaginative. Time to move on to bigger and better things. I hear Deal / No Deal is pretty fantastic. Thoughts?
PS: I'm a little concerned that Jody's site doesn't seem to be up and running on Blogger. Have you forsaken us Grody?
Saturday was a tough day for me and although I'm not going to go into all the details, I will say that I stepped out of my comfort zone and handled myself with grace, integrity and strength.
Saturday night was much more enjoyable! Mr. Bitter & Missus Sour came over for dinner. Delightful. Simply scrumptious and refreshing. They're good eggs those two. A little hard boiled but good eggs!! ;)
Sunday I spent the afternoon with my Aunt Kathryn and my Dad. He's actually made what I think is a lot of progress. I'm still of the mind that he won't be even CLOSE to how he was before the heart attack but on Sunday he was laughing, joking and we even got through a game of Connect Four. I left feeling inspired which I haven't felt with him for quite some time.
I then spent the rest of the day at the Nail Salon. Nails and toes. Heavenly. Pefectly civilized. It took forever because I wanted to wait for the woman that I know does a really good job because the last few time I've gotten Johnny New Guy! Okay job but not great. The plus side of it taking so long was that as I was finishing up my dear friend DOC walked by and we had a nice catch up. He's been doing Slava's Snowshow in New York (that's him on the website with Regis and Kelly!)so I don't get to see much of him. He's a fellow Overcoater and so we got to catch up on all the "who is and who isn't doing the next leg of the show"! Very exciting.
And then before you know it I was watching the season finale of Survivor. Can't say I'm particularly happy with the results but then, I haven't like the past few winners. I think this may have to be my last round of Survivor. It's getting so repetitive and unimaginative. Time to move on to bigger and better things. I hear Deal / No Deal is pretty fantastic. Thoughts?
PS: I'm a little concerned that Jody's site doesn't seem to be up and running on Blogger. Have you forsaken us Grody?
Turns out...
I learned a very valuable lesson on Friday. Although my cute little Chinese Laundry shoes are very adorable, they are not meant for a full day at the office, followed by dinner out with friends (where we had to walk to the dinner location) , followed by a night of dancing. NO, NO, NO!
I had to go home around 1am not because I was tired (which is usually the case with me, especially on a day that I've worked) but because I was crippled. Hobbled if you will. I could barely walk out the door of the club to hail a cab. Intense, blinding pain people. Don't do it. Don't mix Chinese Laundry with working and dancing. It doesn't bode well for weekend walking with hubby.
Shoes make me happy
It's amazing what a fancy pair of shoes and a little sunshine can do for a mood on a Friday morning. I woke up chipper and rather peppy; not too sure why. I got my first pedicure of the season last night so I knew I'd be wearing open toed shoes today - maybe that was it. I opted for my delightful Chinese Laundry babies that I picked up while in SF (see pic)and with the sun shining - all is right with the world.
Check out Chinese Laundry . com. Fab shoes hidden here!!!
It's been a while so here's a long one...
Husbands (mine) beware! Men (G) look out! I’m about to go on a rant. (MIL, FIL, SIL & BIL – don’t think this means I don’t love G….I rant to keep myself from throwing the iron at him!)
I’m going to write a book and I’m waffling between two titles. Let me know which you like better:
Title #1:
I’m not a nag, you’re just an idiot.
or
Title #2
He pushed me to it Officer!
Rant A:
I don’t understand why I have to repeat things a thousand times and hope that one of those thousand times what I’m saying gets stuck in. Sometimes I feel that unless I dress myself in full hockey gear and shoot a puck at his head he won’t listen to what I have to say. (trust me, I’ve thought of doing it!) I went out for dinner one night with work colleagues after getting to the end of a day long meeting. I told G I had the meeting, and although the dinner hadn’t been formalized as of yet, I was sure the boss was going to take us out. He had in the past and gave no indication that he wouldn’t this time around.
I’m going to write a book and I’m waffling between two titles. Let me know which you like better:
Title #1:
I’m not a nag, you’re just an idiot.
or
Title #2
He pushed me to it Officer!
Rant A:
I don’t understand why I have to repeat things a thousand times and hope that one of those thousand times what I’m saying gets stuck in. Sometimes I feel that unless I dress myself in full hockey gear and shoot a puck at his head he won’t listen to what I have to say. (trust me, I’ve thought of doing it!) I went out for dinner one night with work colleagues after getting to the end of a day long meeting. I told G I had the meeting, and although the dinner hadn’t been formalized as of yet, I was sure the boss was going to take us out. He had in the past and gave no indication that he wouldn’t this time around.
Dinner finishes and as I’m heading to the subway I see “Four missed calls and two voicemails” on my cell phone. I think that something must be wrong! I try not to panic but y’all know my history with family tragedy as of late so my heart rate is up significantly. I listen to the messages. G has forgotten that I’m going out for dinner and he’s asking me when I’ll be home from work. The second is him saying that he’s starting to worry if I’m ever coming home and to call him as he picked up a nice salad for dinner. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
So there’s the listening / remembering thing…don’t get it.
Rant B:
Then there’s the male common sense vs. female common sense. Wait a second. Maybe I have to stop talking in such sweeping generalities. I’ll say: G-man’s way of thinking vs. my way of thinking. I’m a light sleeper. In the last 6 or 7 years, something weird happened to my sleep pattern and now I wake up at the sound of a whisper. There are two issues I want to address in this portion of my rant. First being the alarm clock. G likes to set the alarm with enough time for four or five snoozed before having to get up. This is all fine and good if I’m up before him but if he needs to get up at some ungodly hour like 4:30am or, a little less ungodly but still ugly time of say, 5:30 he sets the alarm AGES before he actually has to get up. Fine for him. He falls back asleep on those 8 minute snoozes no problem. Me? I’m awake and that’s about it. No more snoozing for me! Regardless of what time it is. Then! He gets up while I’m doing my best “I’ll just lay here with my eyes closed” routine. He’s in and out, banging and crashing, lights on….and this is the second portion of my “common sense” rant. He continually leaves the light on, albeit a small corner desktop lamp, when he goes out of the room. ON. Leaves it. ON. I understand he may be coming back at some point but …do you really need the light on when you’re not in the room and I’m trying to at least resemble someone is sleeping?!
While chatting (read venting) last night to my girlfriends about such situations we quickly realized that we are not the only ones in these types of situations. All three of us women had similar “forgetting / not listening / not using common sense” stories. Why do they this to us? Why do they turn us into stereotypes? I understand stereotypes are there because they are usually true…but why?
I just don’t get it.
Okay…rant done.
Having said all that I want to say that I do love my husband for all the other things he does:
Cleans the litter box
Vacuums
Uses the lint brush on the couch
Cooks me fabulous dinners
Calls me during the day to make me laugh
And most of all, deals with my mood swings like they’re no big deal.
He’s not a bad guy. That’s not what I’m saying here. I guess it’s the whole “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing. I’ll have to get a rocket ship to make the commute less of a bitch!
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