Getting Involved?

Last night we watched "Hotel Rwanda". I don't do well with movies like these because I get too emotionally attached and in the end feel small and helpless. Last night was no exception. I went to bed feeling frustrated that acts of genocide can still occur in our century. That the "world powers" go into a country looking for non exsistant WMD's because they are afraid for their own safety but when a million people are being slaughtered because of their height or shape of their nose, the same "world powers" sit by and let it happen. It's absolutely disgusting.

Feeling like one voice in a cavern of emptiness I turned to the Amnesty International in Toronto website. They have orientations for new members the fourth Thursday of every month. As it seems I just missed it for this month I'm going to go June 23rd. Anyone want to join me?

This just in....

It can't be true!!!

Eva and Keifer....dating???

I love that the article mentions them having dinner together "in Canada" and then whisking off to a hotel together. Doesn't the author know they are shooting a movie here and they are probably put up at the same hotel???

Keifer

Here's a better shot of Keifer on set from Thursday. One of the other Background Performers has this super tiny camera that fits in the palm of his hand so he was much better equipped to take photos than I was.

Let's imagine what he was talking about on his phone.....

On Set

So this is my new friend Keifer Sutherland. He's talking to my other new friend Eva Longoria.... she's on Desperate Housewives. I know you can't see them very well. The picture was taken with my cell phone while I was on set with my new friends yesterday. I had to pretend to be talking on the phone while I silently snuck the picture because I didn't want my new friends to think I was creepy or anything. I don't know who the guy in blue is...some car moving guy. We're not friends with him.Ya...my new friends...sigh.

Adding to the Blog Madness

Okay. So I've changed the look of my template. I've started a new blog just for my creative writing (see LINKS to the right) and somehow, somewhere along the transition the whole format went out the window.

So this is the new look for Ms. Maizun. Same day to day stuff. Take it or leave it.

Yikes

I wish I could speak kitten just so I knew what was going on here.

Expectations

I am always getting my butt kicked by my preconceived expectations!! I don't know when I'm going to learn my lesson and just wait to experience a situation before I decide how it's going to be.

It gets me into trouble in my relationships, both personal and intimate. It gets me into trouble in my job-life. Time and time again.

This morning I was on my way to a new temp assignment that I was having some reservations about as I "expected" it to be A LOT of work. I've worked with this woman before for her personal business but never for at her job job. Knowing what I know about working directly for her, I "expected" the next two weeks to be very long. I get to the assignment and realize I'm actually covering for her today. I was under the impression I was going to be helping her get caught up after being away for three months. The only thing my temp agent told me was "you'll be helping her" and I came up with the scenario of getting her caught up meaning tons of work!

Now, the reality is that I don't think she was supposed to be away today. Something came up and I "expect" she will be back next week. Turns out they don't need me because her replacement has been found and next week she'll be training her to take over her job; she's retiring. So I'll never really find out what the job was supposed to be.

With Gary, I'm frequently finding myself upset or disappointed because I had "expectations" around an evening, a day or even a weekend. A big part of the problem is that I don't express how I "expect" things to go, I just "expect" them to go that way. Sometimes I think it's the logical sequence of events and other times I assume Gary has the same expectations as I do!! Not always so.

The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations. Eli Khamarov

As Time Passes

My mom passed away October 24, 2004.

Before this, when I had to call up big tears for auditions, I would use the idea of her dying and it worked like a charm. Just the faintest notion of the loss of her would send me into a chasm of sadness.

I can honestly say the idea of her death and the reality of it are nowhere near the same. The depths of grief I thought I would feel is nothing compared to the daily heatbreak I live with now. It's been such an emotional rollercoaster. Every time I think I'm doing better and dealing with it in a positive way, I get smacked in the gut. With the passing of Mother's Day and prime time television, there are a million reminders a day that I no longer have a mother on this planet.

My relationship with my mom over the last few years was strained to say the least. I won't get into the sordid details as it's not my intention to air the grievances I had with my mother in this blog. I'll just say that, as all humans are, my mom was flawed. I understand that no one is perfect but I always wanted more than she was able to give. My life growing up was incredibly unstable and with the loss of her I know she can never provide the guidance of a parent in regards to security and stability; something I had always searched out from her.

Her death means the end of the possibility of a deeper, more meaningful relationship. Thankfully, just before she died, before the wedding in fact, I was able to find the path of acceptance after a enlightening talk with Gary. I had only taken baby steps but overall I was feeling better about our relationship. Regardless of this change in my thinking, there have been times when I've felt tremendous hypocrisy because of my abundant grief vs. the state of our relationship when she died. I remind myself that it's about the loss of my mom, one of the people that loved me first. She knew me from the inside; she carried me. I was a part of her. That love, that bond, is something that I can share with no other person on this earth. I've got a huge hole that only she could fill in my life, in my consciousness and in my spirit. The love I have for her is her's alone. It's not the same as loving a spouse, a friend, a pet or even myself.

Over the last couple of months I've felt worse than when it first happened. I spoke with my sister about this oddity and she claimed to be feeling the same way. It was her idea that the shock of it all had worn off and now we were living in the pit of it. My pit consists of a different kind of sadness from anything I've experienced before. Of course there are the tears, there are always tears, but this has more of an angry rumble. Anger with out the fire, with out the movement - just a thickness that stays in my chest. I still know how to smile, how to laugh, how to maintain a conversation, so I imagine that everyone believes me to be fine. I can understand how people can continue to "manage" their grief for years with out the people around them noticing that anything is wrong.

I miss my mom.

I'm not posting this today looking for sympathy or words of encouragement. I'm simply trying out another way of coping.

Pampering Madness

Okay, now don't hate me but I have to tell y'all about the services I've been having since working at the best temp assignment EVER!!!

On the top floor of the building is the Elmcrest College of Applied Health Sciences & Spa Management. Most of the student performing the services are graduating next month so they're pretty much industry ready. That's not to say they are speedy. I don't know if I've had so much attention given to my feet since...ever! Because the students need people to practice on before graduation, the services are crazy cheap and for employees booking after 3pm, it gets even cheaper!!

Monday was pedicure and facial. I know "the spa" has this aura of relaxation surrounding it but I have to tell you...sometimes it hurts to be pampered. The esthetician that did my feet said they were in good shape but you would have never known if for the amount of time she spent diggin' at the cuticles of my toes. Yikes! The fun part was trying not to squeal like a little girl when she pumiced the bottoms. Holy cow...skin flying everywhere. It looked like Edward Scissorhands down there!!!

Then the facial. The first part was great. Lotions and soapy stuff, then steam for ages while she finished the polish on my toes. It was awesome. She asked me if I wanted her to do extractions. SURE I reply....little did I know that extractions is another word for digging relentlessly into my pores to clear out any clogs. I almost passed out as she was working the side creases of my nose!!!

At the end of it all I felt shiny and buffed.

Last night was the sea-salt body scrub. It's just as it sounds. They take a lotion with sea-salt in it and scrub your entire body save for your face and neck. Wow. Not as soothing as a massage but still quite relaxing...except for the feat...again....ticklish. Once the salt is all over, they lay plastic down over you and a towel over that to keep in the heat and let you sit for 15 minutes. Then you shower off and they cover you with lotion. As she was doing the lotion portion I thought of how nice it would be to have enough money to have someone apply lotion to your body every day. It's always such a chore when I do it myself. Even starting every day with a salt scrub would be pretty great because it leaves your skin super smooth. I couldn't believe it. And a nice smell to go with it. Delightful!!!

But I think I'm out of service options. I've got tonight and tomorrow open for something but I don't really need anything else. They aren't doing massages this week or else I would have had one every night. So I guess this ends the insanely cheap spa service madness. What a treat.

My Sweet Filet

This is Filet.

She's from the first film I made together with Tina and our production company Silent Millennium Films. The film is called Trout to Lunch and we made it in December of 1999. Four days in a freezing warehouse with tons of donated fish bits; heads, skeleton and tails. What a stink!! Tina directed and together we produced it and I was one of the leads. I was also in charge of choreography as the film is a modern day silent film. No dialogue, and choreographed to music. It's not dance, it's not mime, it's movement storytelling.

In 1997 I was lucky enough to be a part of a new play called The Overcoat (above). It's now touring as part of the CanStage family but back then it was originally produced by The Vancouver Playhouse. 22 actors, 2 directors and a ton of creativity. I had been a part of a movement play back in school but this was the first of its' kind on the main-stage. Coming from this kind of a background, the next logical step seemed to be putting the art form on film.

Tina's my bestest friend from Vancouver. We went to theatre school together starting in 1992 and have been around the world and back since then. There's not enough space in this blog to even touch on what we've been through together!!! We started making films together because she needed to have a produced short film for an application to the Canadian Film Centre. Trout to Lunch was a play in the early stages of development that we quickly translated into a film project. We became known as "the fish girls" by all our crew members working tirelessly for free. We were so blessed!

I'm posting this today because due to the diligent hard work by Tina (applying for finishing funds, getting the film an original score AND doing a final edit) Trout to Lunch is finally festival ready. Six short years later, Tina is sending it off to The Toronto and Vancouver Film Festivals. Keep your fingers crossed folks and I'll let you know if we make it to the big screen!!!

How to WORK it?

So I'm smooth sailing for work until the 3rd of June. I've got two back to back assignments and can relax about money for at least three weeks.

I find myself with a bit of a dilemma regarding work that maybe the great internet universe can give me some guidance on. As work seems to be picking up, I'm faced with taking temp work that is coming in more regularly that extra work but pays sometimes half the amount. Taking a temp assignment for $11 an hour takes me out of the availability of extra work which pays $20 an hour with an 8 hour minimum. So how do I work this? I'd rather do the extra work but I don't want to turn down temp work in hopes of getting extra work and then have nothing come in.

I was thinking about telling the temp agencies that I wouldn't take $11 an hour jobs anymore but then I would have missed out on the sweet assignment I'm on for the next four days. I'm working for the company that owns The Elmwood Spa and as an employee I get a discount on the services. I get 50% off all services no matter what time of the day I book but if I book after 3:00pm, I get an additional 50% off!!! A $20 pedicure ends up costing $5.00...how great is that?! And to make the assignment that much sweeter, there isn't much too do except get the mail and interoffice mail, and answer the odd #'out call from voicemail. My direct supervisor even told me to bring a book. She said to feel free to "Google" to which I responded "Oh honey, I'm way past Google, I'm a blogger!!!"

As you can imagine, the higher the pay, the more work is required. I'm not against work and to be honest, if I was at this assignment for longer than a week I would probably go crazy with boredom. Getting paid for writing a blog and surfing the net is pretty great but with that comes $11 an hour. Such is my quandary people!

"Grass" Day 5

Okay, so here's a picture of what the "grass" looks like five days after planting. The weed's doing better than the grass seed for god's sake!! Pretty exciting eh? Ya, well just you wait until day six. No...I won't make you look at pictures every day...just every week. Keep in touch ...but keep off the grass!!!

My Girls

These are my girls.

First is Marlowe

....and here's Lucy.

This picture is how she looked when we first got her. She's a little puffier now but equally as cute!!!

And here's a little story to let you know a tidbit about their personalities. About a month ago, Gary and I decided the girls were a little stinky so we were going to give them a bath.... an inspiration sent to us from Satan I'm sure.

We chose to do Marlowe first as we figured we'd get the nutcase out of the way and then see what Lucy dishes out. Boy, we didn't know how right we were. Marlowe's eyes went the size of side plates and a meow came out of her that can only be connected with death. She fought us tooth and nail...literally, I have the scars to prove it. Poor Lucy was at the bathroom door crying because she could hear Marlowe freaking out inside. By the end of it, Gary and I were both soaked and the bathroom floor had a river running down the middle of it. We dried her off as best as she would allow and let her out of the bathroom to go and shiver in a corner.

With that out of the way, we re-ran the bath and braced ourselves for Lucy. Knowing how she reacted to Marlowe's bath, we were a little cautious. You're not going to believe me when I say....she was as good as gold. She sat in the bottom of the tub and we barely had to hold on to her. We poured water on her, scrubbed her down and rinsed her off. The only time she got a little worried was when we got too close to her face with the water. Unbelievable. We took her out of the tub and she sat on my lap without being held down while I dried her off. She even helped out by licking herself in one area as I dried the other.

Ahhh yes...my girls!

The green green grass of home

Gary and I moved into our apartment last August with big dreams of backyard fun come this summer. At the time there was a seven foot thistle (we have a picture of Gary with his arm around the thing - they look like good ol' chums) along with a massive overgrowth of weeds. In a spurt of energy one day, Gary decided to chop down all the tall stuff and then rip everything out. We lived with basic dirt back there for the winter and now that spring is sprung, we've decided to put seed down and try to grown some grass. We picked up some triple mix and seed and threw it down; after tilling the soil of course, come on people...we all know that you have to till the soil!!! We didn't have one of those heavy rollers to press the seeds into the ground so Gary found this pipe that we rolled over it and I got the edges with my feet. I think I actually walked away with half the seeds stuck into my shoes.

Ahh...a lawn. I've got this idea of a perfect, flawless lawn coming up. With our luck it's going to be patchy and wired!

Once I figure out how to get pictures loaded onto this thing (don't ask...it's been very trying!!!) I'll keep y'all posted on the progress.

$$$

Well, as I had thought, things are starting to turn around. I've got extra work booked for Sunday (with Gary - we get to be parents watching our child at "a sporting event"), two days of temp work for next week and a full week of temp work the week after. THANK GOD!!

So you won't have to put up with me bitching about not having any money...at least until next month!! Sigh...the life of an artiste!

Bikini Fishing

Here it is a beautiful Friday in Toronto. I've got another Temp assignment for the day so all is well in my world.

I have to make a brief mention about some of the odd ducks you come across while temping. Today for example, I'm working at a location I've already worked, so some people remember me and others don't. I'm in the kitchen this morning making myself a cup of international coffee (I don't understand these companies that don't have real coffee!!!) and one of the employees walks in. I recognize him from the last time but don't remember his name so I give the noncommittal "Good morning. How are you?" to which he responds "Well my marriage has fallen apart so it's a wonder I make it out of bed at all these days." Hmmm....what's the polite but appropriate response to a comment like that? I just gave him a "Oh my goodness" and left it at that.

You really do meet all sorts.

Some of you may or may not know that earlier this year I was on a show called Urban Outdoor Adventures. Our show was shot in September of last year and it was on the Pickering Salmon Derby. Shaun, the host, is this great (massive) brit who really knows his stuff about fishing. Now I hadn't been fishing since I was about six and stood at the end of the dock in Steveston, Richmond with my cousin, a bit of line and hook and caught nothing but seaweed and corks. But my friend Steve Thorne, who is producer, editor and camera man (probably more too but I can't keep track) for the show, called me last minute to say their scheduled co-host for the episode fell through and would I be able to pinch hit. I wasn't doing anything so I said sure...I like fish. Let me tell you I had the best time. Shaun's boat is super fast (he tried to scare me on the ride out to our "spot" but I was all for it!) and we had a great day of fishing. We caught two biggies (three actually but we don't like to talk about the one that got away...sniff...it's too painful) and we ended up coming in second place for the derby.

One of the many conversations we had over the course of the day was this crazy fantasy idea we came up with of the two of us hosting a show in the Caribbean where we go on high end exotic fishing tours, Shaun does all the manly stuff and I spend the show in a variety of bikinis. Shaun thought it was a great idea and if it's sunny...I'm there. Well, it turns out Shaun has been shopping the idea and it looks like it's going to happen in October after the rainy season. We've got some interest from a distributor and Shaun's managed to secure a five star resort in Venezuela for a seven night stay, with five days of boats and guides for the show. How amazing is that?!!! Now nothing's secured yet and set in stone but Shaun's moving forward as if we're going so you know what that means!? I'm off to the gym for the next five months!!! So none of you offer me chips, cookies or treats of any kind. I have little or no self control when it comes to these things and they are off limits for bikini wearers!!! If anyone wants to start a training schedule with me, I'm in! If someone just wants someone to check in with about training, I'm in! I'll take all the help I can get.

Choo Choo

I feel like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel but that's not to say someone is shining a flashlight in my eyes.

I broke down and requested a withdrawal of some of my Equity RSPs to make sure I cover rent this month hoping that next month I'm not going to find myself in the same position staring at my ACTRA RSP statement. I signed on with another extra casting agent today so I now have four, count them, four companies working to find me be work to pay the bills.

One of the casting agents told me things were slow but starting to pick up, the other just told me it was slow so don't expect much. Is the whole work force slow right now? At least the areas in which I can work? One good thing that I can do is paint (rooms...not artwork) and I have a friend who is moving on the 15th and said he would pay me to help him paint his new apartment. And I can work around a work schedule so I won't be giving up other stuff should it come up.

PLUS, my friends Warren, Sarah and I are having a garage sale this weekend (keep your fingers crossed this sun and warmth holds out!!!) so that should bring in a couple of dollars. If you're free Saturday and live in the GTA, be sure to stop on by!!!

But I'm feeling remarkably optimistic. I know that the shift is right around the corner and this stress is going to ease off. I feel like the extra work thing is really going to bloom into something. I can't wait to get on set again.

Tomorrow I'll tell y'all about the exciting news around "Exotic Outdoor Adventures"!!!

Extra extra, read all about it!

So I signed up to an extras casting agency today. Yvonne of Y.H. Casting says its a good time to register as things will start to pick up for the summer. It brought me right back to the good ole days of posing for a quick photo for my file (just like they do before auditions) and filling in my "skills", type of roles that I can play and languages that I can speak. I found this last one to be an interesting question for an agency that employs people specifically no to talk.

The whole experience really got me excited about being on set again. I decided to try my hand with extra work as I figure it will give me a good chance to be on set, re-acquaint myself with the "rules of engagement" but not be under a lot of pressure to perform. The days can be long and extras are often herded like cattle and treated like slaves but hey....work is work. I'd rather work on a set that in an office.

Gary came with me and signed on as well so hopefully one day soon we'll be appearing in the background of some locally shot tv or movie and we can finally say that we "acted" together. One of the questions they asked us at the end as we were just about to walk out the door was "Oh...are you a couple?" We responded that yes we were, married in fact to which she asked "Are you willing to do work that requires you to kiss?", to which Gary responded, "Sure, especially with each other." He got nothin', just a blank stare. Apparently all they are really interested in is 15% of the pay our Actra Union membership entitles us to.

Take a deep breath here Cyndi!!!

I'm temping today....ya!!! I figured it was a good excuse to do a post. Turns out people are actually reading these things and starting to check back after I said that I would be writing on a regular basis. How considerate!

I have to address something today that I guess people who put themselves out there "to the public" have to deal with at some point or another; negative feedback. I received a comment after one of my posts that was... well let's just say a bit biting. I won't repeat the comment as I feel the "Anonymous" writer, being too cowardly to leave his or her name, doesn't get to diss me twice on my own blogpage. I've also removed the comment from the post to prevent any further embarrassment to them as they tried to use a word to make themselves appear intelligent and proceeded to spell it wrong...the word is spelled minutiae my friend. I've never been one to receive negative comments well and Gary even told me not to take it personally but how can I not? These posts are personal, I write them and they are primarily about me so I can only imagine the writer meant for me to take it personally. Except there was a ":)" following the comment so maybe I am being too sensitive and the comment was simply meant as a poke and not a jab. Regardless, if you don't want to read the posts, if you at all find them boring or pointless, then please, don't read them. Don't check back and by all means don't waste your time making comments that make you look stupid and petty in the end.

I write these for a fun take on my world. If it offers you a different point of view...great! If it bores you...check out www.gofugyourself.com - it's always good for a laugh.