Husbands (mine) beware! Men (G) look out! I’m about to go on a rant. (MIL, FIL, SIL & BIL – don’t think this means I don’t love G….I rant to keep myself from throwing the iron at him!)
I’m going to write a book and I’m waffling between two titles. Let me know which you like better:
Title #1:
I’m not a nag, you’re just an idiot.
or
Title #2
He pushed me to it Officer!
Rant A:
I don’t understand why I have to repeat things a thousand times and hope that one of those thousand times what I’m saying gets stuck in. Sometimes I feel that unless I dress myself in full hockey gear and shoot a puck at his head he won’t listen to what I have to say. (trust me, I’ve thought of doing it!) I went out for dinner one night with work colleagues after getting to the end of a day long meeting. I told G I had the meeting, and although the dinner hadn’t been formalized as of yet, I was sure the boss was going to take us out. He had in the past and gave no indication that he wouldn’t this time around.
I’m going to write a book and I’m waffling between two titles. Let me know which you like better:
Title #1:
I’m not a nag, you’re just an idiot.
or
Title #2
He pushed me to it Officer!
Rant A:
I don’t understand why I have to repeat things a thousand times and hope that one of those thousand times what I’m saying gets stuck in. Sometimes I feel that unless I dress myself in full hockey gear and shoot a puck at his head he won’t listen to what I have to say. (trust me, I’ve thought of doing it!) I went out for dinner one night with work colleagues after getting to the end of a day long meeting. I told G I had the meeting, and although the dinner hadn’t been formalized as of yet, I was sure the boss was going to take us out. He had in the past and gave no indication that he wouldn’t this time around.
Dinner finishes and as I’m heading to the subway I see “Four missed calls and two voicemails” on my cell phone. I think that something must be wrong! I try not to panic but y’all know my history with family tragedy as of late so my heart rate is up significantly. I listen to the messages. G has forgotten that I’m going out for dinner and he’s asking me when I’ll be home from work. The second is him saying that he’s starting to worry if I’m ever coming home and to call him as he picked up a nice salad for dinner. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
So there’s the listening / remembering thing…don’t get it.
Rant B:
Then there’s the male common sense vs. female common sense. Wait a second. Maybe I have to stop talking in such sweeping generalities. I’ll say: G-man’s way of thinking vs. my way of thinking. I’m a light sleeper. In the last 6 or 7 years, something weird happened to my sleep pattern and now I wake up at the sound of a whisper. There are two issues I want to address in this portion of my rant. First being the alarm clock. G likes to set the alarm with enough time for four or five snoozed before having to get up. This is all fine and good if I’m up before him but if he needs to get up at some ungodly hour like 4:30am or, a little less ungodly but still ugly time of say, 5:30 he sets the alarm AGES before he actually has to get up. Fine for him. He falls back asleep on those 8 minute snoozes no problem. Me? I’m awake and that’s about it. No more snoozing for me! Regardless of what time it is. Then! He gets up while I’m doing my best “I’ll just lay here with my eyes closed” routine. He’s in and out, banging and crashing, lights on….and this is the second portion of my “common sense” rant. He continually leaves the light on, albeit a small corner desktop lamp, when he goes out of the room. ON. Leaves it. ON. I understand he may be coming back at some point but …do you really need the light on when you’re not in the room and I’m trying to at least resemble someone is sleeping?!
While chatting (read venting) last night to my girlfriends about such situations we quickly realized that we are not the only ones in these types of situations. All three of us women had similar “forgetting / not listening / not using common sense” stories. Why do they this to us? Why do they turn us into stereotypes? I understand stereotypes are there because they are usually true…but why?
I just don’t get it.
Okay…rant done.
Having said all that I want to say that I do love my husband for all the other things he does:
Cleans the litter box
Vacuums
Uses the lint brush on the couch
Cooks me fabulous dinners
Calls me during the day to make me laugh
And most of all, deals with my mood swings like they’re no big deal.
He’s not a bad guy. That’s not what I’m saying here. I guess it’s the whole “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing. I’ll have to get a rocket ship to make the commute less of a bitch!
11 comments:
at least he's cute, he's got that going for him. could you imagine if your huby was FUGLY???
He is cute. He's lucky he's got that going for him.
First of all, Title #1 is by far the best, and if it were uttered in my house it would be completely true.
Secondly, time for a man's point of view here, and I use the word man very lightly. Male is likely a better word; yeah, let's stick with male.
Okay, for a long time women have attempted to get men to listen. Males, however have trouble with the listening part sometimes, and the remembering part always. My dad used to ask my brother and I several times throughout the week what our work schedule was. It didn't really matter that we'd told him a zillion times, he just couldn't recall when it really mattered. So it isn't just that males don't remember what their female counterparts say, they just don't remember period .
Yes, sometimes it is because we don't listen, but sometimes the information just eludes us. Maybe it's the left-brain/right-brain thing or that we're just stupid - either way we just plain forget.
For some reason, however, sports and everything sports related has seemed to transcend this phenomenon. However cursed they may be, for some reason sports related information is one of the only items that male brain can retain. Scores, stats, game start times, etc seem to stick. Bad or corny jokes also seem to do the same for some males, however in my family we are cursed with a damned genetic disorder which exempts us from this part of the male memory, causing joke/story telling to be an oddly awkward and painful experience for all but the story/joke teller.
As far as common sense goes, well you're pretty much right. See, when it comes to thinking males are generally as flawed as we are when it comes to the aformentioned remembering , especially when it comes to the bedroom - and by that I only mean sleeping and waking.
When males wake up - or at least the males I know - we are only functioning at about 4% of our mental capacity. If evolution is controlled by women - which is probable - you might think of installing some sort of progress bar on males. You know, like at the bottom of Internet Explorer when a site is loading. As we slowly become alert and capable of performing the morning routine, you could see how low functioning our brains really are at that time of day, and how g.d. long it takes to progress. Like most computer problems this bar would likely start out slowly then gain speed and seem to stop completely around 64%. If I'm lucky my brain might hit my peak capacity (75%?) around 3pm, just in time to think about going home.
So you see, we males are simply incapable of things like thoughtfulness so early in the morning.
I hope this clears things up...
Ryan...you're my new favourite cousin named Ryan.
You're the best.
what i find so interesting is that the listening/remembering bit seems to be selective.
for example:
the hubs can remember when a cd he wants to buy comes out, but not when to sign up for g.'s swim lessons.
the hubs can remember to pick up some beer for himself, but not a red pepper for a dinner recipe.
see how that works? they remember what pertains directly to their interests. i don't buy the "just don't remember, period" theory.
it's the "funny, but i don't remember that cause it doesn't pertain DIRECTLY to me."
humphhhh. i so had this moment a couple of days ago.
Hmmmm - was that a compliment?
And by the way, are you coming to the BBQ on the 20th or what..?
Yes beer is also another thing we usually remember - I forgot that one....
I already said we were!
Where's my beer?!!!
You did? I must have forgot...beer's on ice.
I vote for title #1. Too true my dear...TOO TRUE!
Unfortunately dear fellow women, I have to tell you, it doesn't get ANY better with age, in fact, it probably gets worse!!! SORRY!! They just get to 65% a lot slower, good analogy Ry!
I just had an epiphany! I, Tanya Baynham, am a member of the male species.
Also, I pick title #1.
Keep blogging. I miss you when you don't do it.
tanya
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